What You Wanted
by hexterah
Summary: Another Dark Nest story -- this one concerns the actual night Jacen and Tenel Ka spent together. It's nothing dirty, I swear, hehe. But it is pretty angsty. One-poster/short story. Written: 01/20/2006


**Author's Note: **I always said I was going to try to write a story about what happened on the night from _The Joiner King_, but I never really got around to writing out a big long piece concerning it, so this had to suffice. I didn't believe it was going to be all "happily ever after" and perfect like everyone was hoping (especially since Jacen had already started getting creepy XD) so this is sort of what came out when I attempted to figure out what the night might've been like. Angst ahoy! Written: 01/20/2006.

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**What You Wanted**

It _hurt_.

There was no passion involved, no heat. His eyes were vacant -- hers, dry. It was bleak, it was empty, it was cold, and it was painful.

Nothing had ever hurt her. Her arm had been cut off. She had numerous scars, permanent bruises, wounds that had come and gone. None of them had hurt. But this did.

Maybe it was because they didn't think about it, or ease into it. It just happened.

And as strong as her feelings were for him, she was unsure of his for her in return. She was wondering if this was the right thing to be doing or not.

Maybe that was why it hurt.

When Jacen Solo collapsed on top of her, his head resting on her chest, her arm instantly snaked around his neck -- as if that would provide her with some sort of comfort or security. Their heavy breathing synched up while her eyes slipped shut. She didn't want to regret asking Jacen to stay the night. And she wouldn't let herself. But he had seemed different once they got into the Palace -- nothing like the Jacen Solo she had fallen in love with over the years. He was shaded, quiet. The smile that used to paste itself on his face at every waking moment was as dodgy and absent as he had been in her life during the war with the Yuuzhan Vong.

"I can hear your heart beating..." he murmured, his breath blowing ice over her collarbone.

All she could manage to reply with was an exhale.

She figured he had fallen asleep until he spoke those few words and her eyes darted to the top of his head, which was still resting on her chest. Eyelashes fluttered against the skin between her breasts, just for a moment or two and that was when Jacen pulled himself off of her, their sweat lingering on each other's skin. Something had caught his eye, she had noticed that much. But she didn't know what until he had made his way across the quarters, the moonlight dripping through the windows and slipping over his bare skin. A sliver across his shoulders, a stray beam over his stomach, hints of light brightening his dark brandy eyes.

He was over by the chest of drawers, her eyes had followed him there -- they were raking over his shoulderblades and his back now, as he fiddled with something on top of the piece of furniture.

Spinning around to face her, a faint beam of moonlight fell right across his face. Something had changed in that visage -- in those few seconds he had his back turned to her, she could tell.

"You still have this?" He held up the gort eggshell necklace he had made for her what seemed like decades ago.

It took her a moment to respond, she found her throat dry when she went to speak. "Of course..."

His expression broke. The mask he had been wearing since he got to Hapes seemed to melt away with those words as he set the necklace back down on the polished wood and pattered back across the carpet to the bed. As he set himself on the edge, Tenel Ka pushed herself to a sitting position, the cool air of the chamber tickling her skin.

"Why did you want me to stay?" Jacen inquired, his voice growing quiet.

"I thought it was... what you..."

He began shaking his head, cutting her words off. No, this wasn't just what he wanted. At all.

"I thought it was what _you_ wanted."

They both realized their error at the same time, both bodies freezing, eyes locked together. Jacen felt the silk of the sheets under his thighs. Tenel Ka exhaled a shaky breath, her shoulders sagging.

Minutes seemed to pass.

When neither of them spoke, Jacen took it upon himself to break the silence. "I didn't know you still cared for me like that. You have all these suitors hovering around you; I've been gone for years. I thought... you just wanted to spend time with a... a familiar face for a night."

He saw her face distort at the comment.

"You know what I meant." His voice cracked and his eyes ripped themselves away from hers, shooting back to the chest of drawers, where the necklace sat -- a few of the eggshells draped over the edge, glowing softly in the moonlight. "And when I saw _that_... I realized you still cared."

Silence floated between the two for a few long moments until Tenel Ka asked a question, her voice almost too quiet to hear.

"Then why did you stay?"

"Because I thought maybe... I could pretend you still cared like that. You know, spend one night like I always dreamt it would be when I was younger. Waking up beside you, our limbs all tangled up..." His eyes grew distant. "I could lean over in the morning and the first thing I would whisper would be I---"

She had leaned over and cut him off with a kiss, her right hand sliding up his chest and around his neck. He responded right away, his hands running over the limbs he had always admired, over the skin he always wanted to touch. His palms gently landed on her hips, his fingertips skating across her sides.

When she pulled away from him, her stormy eyes sparkled slightly, the clouds parting for just one moment. "Would be what?"

"I... love you."

She didn't even have to say it in return. He could feel her reacting to it, her skin flushing at his touch, her heart beating faster. A _smile_ danced across her lips.

They folded up in each others grasp after that, collapsing back onto the bed together, breathless moans and low giggles puncturing the night as they rolled around.

This was how it was supposed to feel.

This is what they both wanted.


End file.
